(what had he considered only moments ago? "always accurate and often warranted"?)
I'd normally never accuse you of being withholding... (however, says the trailing silence. his smile persists even as eyes angle low to characterful fingers. spock's interest in the inner workings of his mind is always flattering.)
I thrive under scrutiny, so the second option you've given me, I think, is what it must be. This is an unknown situation, one I know that I'm ready to explore with you, yet I've neverβΒ there have been and will be aspects of our relationship that I've never experienced. We've come so far together; I don't want anything to ruin it.
[ Spock, quietly, thinks of the many times in which his captain has directly or indirectly accused him of being withholding. He then politely mentally shelves these memories, folds his hands neatly on the table, and listens. ]
"Ruin"? [ His voice is quiet, almost lost in the gentle background music offered by their upscale dining destination. They fit in almost too well here, over-accustomed to new destinations and the adoption of foreign cultures but always then it had been a struggle to blend unnoticed. Here, somehow, so little effort is required. It steals away a distraction he often relies on and forces him to see nothing but Kirk, an eloquent man who's stumbling over his attempts to express his vulnerability to his stoic first officer. ]
Jim, that is an impossibility.
If a star becomes a red giant, is it then "ruined"? No. It merely is both itself and new in tandem. There is nothing mutable about our connection; it is a fact of existence as certain to me as any law of physics. No alteration would tarnish it or break it irreparably.
[ And though he did not wish to start their dinner with a topic quite so heavy, they cannot proceed with this misunderstanding. ]
(an impossibility. not an improbability, but an absolute: they cannot ruin this bond because it is unable to occur.
spock's conclusion lacks numbers and it takes the breath out of him. there are no percentages used to measure their compatibility or the likelihood that they'll succeed in loving one another. spock does not speculate. to him, it is a proven fact; kirk allows himself to believe it too.
this is the man i will spend the rest of my life with.)
Human irrationality, Spock. (his voice is steady. distantly, he wonders how that could be possible when the pace of his heart has doubled and his jaw aches with the desire to kiss him, to thank him. the strength of it has nowhere to go but across the table, bond lighting up with intent like the flash of a silenced bridge alarm.)
Years ago, when I was facing court-martial, you testified for me at Starbase Eleven... your words reminded me of what you said to the board and to Prosecutor Shaw in my defence. "It is not his nature." (he has, in his weakest moments, accessed the transcript of the hearing.) It's not our bond's nature to break. I want to make you a promise in light of this:
If there exists any part of me that's new, it's yours. I want you to know it.
I remember it well, [ he responds quietly, as if making space for the memories to be heard within his own mind. ]
You told me I may be able to beat my next captain at chess, but I was still unwilling to accept that I would have another. It took time for me to realize that it was your attempt to make the situation seem less dire for both of us.
[ Suddenly his hands unclasp, drawing back from their orderly placement on the table's surface as if something has disturbed that perfect composure of his, and his throat is even cleared after a subtle shift in weight. His mental barriers, now, are fully raised. Perhaps they should have been sooner. ]
I am... pleased. Pleased that your beliefs are in line with my own. Your Albert Einstein once said that the world as we have created it is a process of our thinking, and that it cannot be changed without us changing our thinking. I believe the same can be said for our relationship.
Intrinsically it is strong and necessary. Anything else is a detail of framing. [ They are connected. That is enough. Romance, their work together, even their friendship... it's all a matter of perspective. A different way to express the bond they have. ]
... I will now tell you about my day, if you still wish it.
I'm glad, Spock, that you took what you did from our conversation. I wasn't in the most light-hearted mood, but it helped to have your support. (spock didn't want his captain to give up hope any more than kirk wanted to alarm his first officer.)
You've always provided me with that balance. In this, I think we've always had the proper mindset. Now, all that's left for us to do is to enjoy learning about each other in this new light. I don't intend to let a little thing like nerves stop me. (his face angles away as if giving spock a moment of privacy, unable to act regretful or ashamed of the thoughts he's undoubtedly projected. this is their reality now. this is what spock makes him feel.
with a raise of his hand and a nod, he allows their waitress to collect what she's been waiting for his signal to deliver: a bottle of fine sparkling wine, purportedly the best in marilla, and elegant glass flutes. the tray is accompanied by their amuse-bouche, two bite-sized coins of eggplant-wrapped hummus. spicy.
he thanks the server, refusing further assistance, eyebrows innocently raised as he glances back to his date.)
[ The compliments flow ceaselessly and Spock isn't so ignorant as to assume that it's his captain's attempt at flattery. That would run the risk of having his own sincere praise misconstrued as sycophancy, and he simply cannot allow that. ]
I have already admitted to pleasure. Must I also now speak of my capacity for enjoyment? [ Really, Jim.
He does not wait to see if his own brand of joke has landed, however, gaze instead lifting to catch sight of the woman Kirk summons, her smile professional but her eyes knowing. He's planned this much, and so quickly? It's impressive, there's no doubt of that, and to know he's the focus of the efforts isn't just humbling or meaningful. It's got him appraising his captain with a newly quirked brow, straightening his posture to accommodate the food being placed between them. Most impressive. Exactly what he would expect from polite human courtship, and his own standards have never been low. ]
Indeed? [ Slim fingers pinch at the stem of his glass, holding it in place for the anticipated pour. ]
I awoke from a brief rest at 5:44 am. I dreamed I was cultivating a hirat plant in suboptimal soil, though I had devised an appropriate acidic fertilizer to overcome the issue. I then engaged in meditation until 7:01, at which time you and I proceeded to dress for the day and retrieve breakfast.
I trust I do not need to recount the meal we shared.
(relaxed expressions now come easily, lifting the bottle with an adoring smile across the table. spock has, over the years, blown his expectations out of the water. it might've been an uncomfortable road for him to walk, but his personality has never shined so brightly, silvery and soothing like the cool light of the moon.)
I believe you've given me far more insight than I'm due, Mr. Spock; I can deduce the rest. (kirk responds, hazarding a glance up as he rolls the bottle to catch errant droplets of sparkling wine. what little he's missed seeps into the fabric of the napkin secured in a knot at the neck.)
Illogically, breakfast on vacation tastes better than breakfast elsewhere. I enjoyed the quiet and I enjoyed discussing our separate plans for the day... it shouldn't have surprised me that you agreed to come to Marilla, but, despite its newness and the obvious scientific marvels, it is more of a tourist destination. A getaway from work.
(spock has always been averse to taking shore leave and has accrued a staggering amount of leave. the amusement shows in the creasing of kirk's eyes, pouring himself a glass of wine before investigating his eggplant with a thoughtful tilt of his head.)
If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to spoil me. What, my friend, is a hirat?
[ He'll deduce the rest, will he? That's almost a dangerous thought. It is, after all, deductions without outright answers that led to their last serious disagreement about their potential relationship status. However... that in turn also led here. To both of them seated at this table, sharing wine and company, with Spock's heart beating a rapid hum in his side in spite of a regally calm expression.
It is, of course, illogical. There is no reason for a heightened, excited physical response on his part. No cause for anxiety when he is in the company of his best friend, his soulmate. A man who has judged only the quality of his work and his acceptance of himself. ]
A clustered fruit native to Vulcan, botanically similar to your berries and aesthetically likened to grapes in particular. I will ensure that you have the opportunity to sample it in the future. I will also suggest that you have botany reviews added to your mandatory training.
[ His glass is raised, then, just enough to indicate the expectation of a very human toast. ]
If you would like to take this trip out of my accumulated leave, I will accept. I do believe, however, that I shall be required to spend more of my time here relaxing in order to best utilize that time. I should prefer company.
No, no, your staggering amount of accumulated leave should remain intact. You'll break a record eventually. Instead, I encourage you to use some of that time writing up a report on my many oversights when we're back on the Enterprise, Mr. Spock, (kirk returns, eggplant entirely forgotten in his nervous excitement to be toasted by his best friend and soulmate. he's in deeper trouble than he could've possibly imagined.
his defence response?)
If there are any Vulcans on board equipped with the knowledge necessary to instruct me on their planet's flora, I'd like nothing more than to brush up with them privately on the subject. (a blatantly suggestive remark and bid for physical contact, the light of their candle dancing in his eyes.) ... here's to relaxing in good company.
(he tips his glass towards spock's to touch their edges together with an outcry of crystal. pure, if the clarity of the ring is to be believed, and perhaps denser than he anticipated. it isn't loud, but long enough for him to still the vibration with his fingers.)
I would still like to experience the art museum with you, and there's an exhibit elsewhere on the unique terraforming they've done in this province. Apart from that, is there anything else you'd like to see before our time in Marilla comes to an end? Anywhere you'd like to go?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I'd normally never accuse you of being withholding... (however, says the trailing silence. his smile persists even as eyes angle low to characterful fingers. spock's interest in the inner workings of his mind is always flattering.)
I thrive under scrutiny, so the second option you've given me, I think, is what it must be. This is an unknown situation, one I know that I'm ready to explore with you, yet I've neverβΒ there have been and will be aspects of our relationship that I've never experienced. We've come so far together; I don't want anything to ruin it.
no subject
"Ruin"? [ His voice is quiet, almost lost in the gentle background music offered by their upscale dining destination. They fit in almost too well here, over-accustomed to new destinations and the adoption of foreign cultures but always then it had been a struggle to blend unnoticed. Here, somehow, so little effort is required. It steals away a distraction he often relies on and forces him to see nothing but Kirk, an eloquent man who's stumbling over his attempts to express his vulnerability to his stoic first officer. ]
Jim, that is an impossibility.
If a star becomes a red giant, is it then "ruined"? No. It merely is both itself and new in tandem. There is nothing mutable about our connection; it is a fact of existence as certain to me as any law of physics. No alteration would tarnish it or break it irreparably.
[ And though he did not wish to start their dinner with a topic quite so heavy, they cannot proceed with this misunderstanding. ]
no subject
spock's conclusion lacks numbers and it takes the breath out of him. there are no percentages used to measure their compatibility or the likelihood that they'll succeed in loving one another. spock does not speculate. to him, it is a proven fact; kirk allows himself to believe it too.
this is the man i will spend the rest of my life with.)
Human irrationality, Spock. (his voice is steady. distantly, he wonders how that could be possible when the pace of his heart has doubled and his jaw aches with the desire to kiss him, to thank him. the strength of it has nowhere to go but across the table, bond lighting up with intent like the flash of a silenced bridge alarm.)
Years ago, when I was facing court-martial, you testified for me at Starbase Eleven... your words reminded me of what you said to the board and to Prosecutor Shaw in my defence. "It is not his nature." (he has, in his weakest moments, accessed the transcript of the hearing.) It's not our bond's nature to break. I want to make you a promise in light of this:
If there exists any part of me that's new, it's yours. I want you to know it.
no subject
You told me I may be able to beat my next captain at chess, but I was still unwilling to accept that I would have another. It took time for me to realize that it was your attempt to make the situation seem less dire for both of us.
[ Suddenly his hands unclasp, drawing back from their orderly placement on the table's surface as if something has disturbed that perfect composure of his, and his throat is even cleared after a subtle shift in weight. His mental barriers, now, are fully raised. Perhaps they should have been sooner. ]
I am... pleased. Pleased that your beliefs are in line with my own. Your Albert Einstein once said that the world as we have created it is a process of our thinking, and that it cannot be changed without us changing our thinking. I believe the same can be said for our relationship.
Intrinsically it is strong and necessary. Anything else is a detail of framing. [ They are connected. That is enough. Romance, their work together, even their friendship... it's all a matter of perspective. A different way to express the bond they have. ]
... I will now tell you about my day, if you still wish it.
no subject
You've always provided me with that balance. In this, I think we've always had the proper mindset. Now, all that's left for us to do is to enjoy learning about each other in this new light. I don't intend to let a little thing like nerves stop me. (his face angles away as if giving spock a moment of privacy, unable to act regretful or ashamed of the thoughts he's undoubtedly projected. this is their reality now. this is what spock makes him feel.
with a raise of his hand and a nod, he allows their waitress to collect what she's been waiting for his signal to deliver: a bottle of fine sparkling wine, purportedly the best in marilla, and elegant glass flutes. the tray is accompanied by their amuse-bouche, two bite-sized coins of eggplant-wrapped hummus. spicy.
he thanks the server, refusing further assistance, eyebrows innocently raised as he glances back to his date.)
Please, go ahead. I'll pour you some wine.
no subject
I have already admitted to pleasure. Must I also now speak of my capacity for enjoyment? [ Really, Jim.
He does not wait to see if his own brand of joke has landed, however, gaze instead lifting to catch sight of the woman Kirk summons, her smile professional but her eyes knowing. He's planned this much, and so quickly? It's impressive, there's no doubt of that, and to know he's the focus of the efforts isn't just humbling or meaningful. It's got him appraising his captain with a newly quirked brow, straightening his posture to accommodate the food being placed between them. Most impressive. Exactly what he would expect from polite human courtship, and his own standards have never been low. ]
Indeed? [ Slim fingers pinch at the stem of his glass, holding it in place for the anticipated pour. ]
I awoke from a brief rest at 5:44 am. I dreamed I was cultivating a hirat plant in suboptimal soil, though I had devised an appropriate acidic fertilizer to overcome the issue. I then engaged in meditation until 7:01, at which time you and I proceeded to dress for the day and retrieve breakfast.
I trust I do not need to recount the meal we shared.
no subject
I believe you've given me far more insight than I'm due, Mr. Spock; I can deduce the rest. (kirk responds, hazarding a glance up as he rolls the bottle to catch errant droplets of sparkling wine. what little he's missed seeps into the fabric of the napkin secured in a knot at the neck.)
Illogically, breakfast on vacation tastes better than breakfast elsewhere. I enjoyed the quiet and I enjoyed discussing our separate plans for the day... it shouldn't have surprised me that you agreed to come to Marilla, but, despite its newness and the obvious scientific marvels, it is more of a tourist destination. A getaway from work.
(spock has always been averse to taking shore leave and has accrued a staggering amount of leave. the amusement shows in the creasing of kirk's eyes, pouring himself a glass of wine before investigating his eggplant with a thoughtful tilt of his head.)
If I didn't know any better I'd think you were trying to spoil me. What, my friend, is a hirat?
no subject
It is, of course, illogical. There is no reason for a heightened, excited physical response on his part. No cause for anxiety when he is in the company of his best friend, his soulmate. A man who has judged only the quality of his work and his acceptance of himself. ]
A clustered fruit native to Vulcan, botanically similar to your berries and aesthetically likened to grapes in particular. I will ensure that you have the opportunity to sample it in the future. I will also suggest that you have botany reviews added to your mandatory training.
[ His glass is raised, then, just enough to indicate the expectation of a very human toast. ]
If you would like to take this trip out of my accumulated leave, I will accept. I do believe, however, that I shall be required to spend more of my time here relaxing in order to best utilize that time. I should prefer company.
no subject
his defence response?)
If there are any Vulcans on board equipped with the knowledge necessary to instruct me on their planet's flora, I'd like nothing more than to brush up with them privately on the subject. (a blatantly suggestive remark and bid for physical contact, the light of their candle dancing in his eyes.) ... here's to relaxing in good company.
(he tips his glass towards spock's to touch their edges together with an outcry of crystal. pure, if the clarity of the ring is to be believed, and perhaps denser than he anticipated. it isn't loud, but long enough for him to still the vibration with his fingers.)
I would still like to experience the art museum with you, and there's an exhibit elsewhere on the unique terraforming they've done in this province. Apart from that, is there anything else you'd like to see before our time in Marilla comes to an end? Anywhere you'd like to go?