(more than he can explain in words, but perhaps he'll attempt to share the feeling through synchrony when they reconvene for the evening.)
A wave took me for a ride and I wound up stabilizing myself on a very pointy rock. I've got a mild abrasion on my palm, but I'm perfectly alright. (Don't tell the other Sapphires, I'd be laughed out of Marilla.)
[ Ah. Kirk's directness on the matter is somehow unexpected, assuming they'll dance around the topic a little longer and that he'll possibly be able to escape through the repartee without needing to give a real answer.
He should've known. ]
I will safeguard your secret.
In return I'll tell you that I knew because I knew. I sensed your awareness of your own danger and acted in response to it.
I was unaware that you would be traveling to any areas with such strong currents.
If I'd planned on it, you would've been the first to know. I will say, Spock, that I should've recognized that the currents would be more insistent than those on the main strip. Truth be told, privacy was its main draw and I was so enthusiastic about finding the spot that I jumped right in.
I'm sorry about that.
(it's sincere. so sincere that he doesn't ask his matter-of-fact first officer to elaborate on his vague statement about having an awareness of his captain's awareness. yet.)
... any ability to critique him further has been utterly and effectively stripped away after such a sincere response. He's bested him again. ]
It is understandable that you would be less cautious than you might normally in light of your increased need for respite. While I believe your balance with your work has been improved as of late, a break from such tasks is still required on occasion.
I recommend also a trip to the local art museum if you are in need of safer leisurely activities.
It has been, and I have you to thank for that. Your dedication to both work and ensuring that your captain gets his regularly scheduled shore leave is worth a commendation, Mr. Spock.
Would you care to accompany me? I might take a spill in the Hall of Sculptures.
But only if it were logical to view such works with so short a period of time between visits. I am currently touring the museum myself at this very moment.
[ M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
It's a suitably punishing rebuttal now that Kirk has regained his attitude, however, and it soothes any wounds he must now bear with the realization that no, it isn't logical for him to immediately return here just to enjoy the paintings with his captain at his side. Certainly his commentary would be edifying, however... ]
I merely paused in my activities to check in on you.
(kirk catches himself breathing a yearning sigh and cuts that right out. the fear of missing out is an embarrassingly teenaged behaviour, but one he can't help where spock is concerned. walking reflective halls of artwork with him would be a deeply satisfying activity, one that easily beats out his interest in sitting in this cove alone.
he finds that he can't be upset with their choices, however, because it's what they'd each like to do, even apart. with his knees bent, he leans forward to smother an unruly expression against a damp forearm, glancing up at the water.)
Art interpretations can change drastically overnight. I came alone to the beach today and it'd be no less beautiful if I were in your company, but the context would be different. You'd influence my opinion, and I'd maybe find it more peaceful or more fulfilling than I find it now.
We have to look at these sorts of issues from all angles.
[ His captain's attempts to force him to see the merits of revisiting the museum in his company are, in a word, satisfying. First because it aligns with his own interests and allows him the excuse needed to indulge himself. Second because it serves as – unneeded – evidence of how strongly Jim feels the compulsion to share his company.
And then he asks a question that distracts wholly from the moment. ]
I will consider a second trip, in light of your words. Your argument is compelling.
As for your state of mind, Synchrony was not required. I am attuned to such things as a result of my Vulcan telepathy.
(the vulcan is private and he'll get the respect he's due where his personal affairs are concerned, but this involves him. kirk won't be swayed to believe otherwise when it's obvious—by spock's obstinate dodging of the matter—that he's onto something.)
I'm already familiar with the innate talents of Vulcans, but I know there's more to it than that. I'd like to understand what happened. Were you focusing on me at the time?
[ It would be pure naïveté as to his captain's ways to assume that the topic will now suddenly be dropped, and by the man's own admission Spock is the person in the universe who knows him better than any other. As such, he's able to predict what's to come.
All his stalling does is offer him more time to choose his wording, well aware that he's surmounted the truest hurdles already and this one is far lesser. Still... it comes with a few extra years attached. ]
I was, but it would not have been necessary for me to do so.
I have been able to sense spikes in your condition for some time. This is due not only to the quality of our relationship, but stands as a result of our repeated mind melding. I have warned you that there are side effects in the past if you recall, Jim.
(in matters of the vulcan mind, he'd be considered an expert. he is one of very few humans who've managed to reach so deeply into the culture after cultivating a boundless friendship with spock, breaking dozens of rules on his behalf, and—in matters of life and death—outright ordering him to betray the privacy of his entire planet. despite years of this patient and persistent prying, kirk is acutely aware of the glaring holes that remain in his learning.
he should consider it a privilege spock's discussing this at all.
right now, though, he's coping with his shock with an abrupt straightening of his legs, heels digging narrow troughs in the sand.)
Side effects are usually discussed between the individuals involved, especially when they concern the potential broadcasting of private thoughts and emotions by the uninformed party, wouldn't you say?
[ A negative reaction had been cautiously anticipated. It is significant to be forced to accept that your first officer has perhaps been far more keenly aware of your inner world than you had previously believed, after all, and he does not begrudge him the tone of his first question.
But how to explain... ]
The connection becomes more powerful with repeated melding. In spite of the number of these bridges which you have seen me form, I must assure you that to perform one for most Vulcans is very rare. I forever have a tie to those with which I have connected even once, and with you it is much greater.
Therefore when you ask "how long", I require greater specificity.
(in spite of the melds he himself has ordered his first officer to form and the ones that have been suggested by spock himself as a quick and efficient remedy for a dire situation. lifelong, permanent ties.
van gelder, the mother horta, bones and scotty, for god's sake. what does it mean for them? what does it mean for spock? what will it mean, if nothing now?)
You said that you sensed my awareness of my own danger. How long have you been able to do that? Does it extend to specific thoughts and impressions, or strong emotions?
[ This is a conversation well-suited to this format in spite of its necessary intimacy, he thinks. It allows Kirk the privacy denied him by Spock's genetic gifts and allows Spock greater time to compose himself. ]
My first experience of the kind you describe, with you, took place two years, four months, and eleven days ago. Because of the innate practicality of being aware of your condition and its ability to aid both of us on the Enterprise, I have not blocked these sensations. Your personal thoughts and feelings, however, I have shielded myself against out of respect for us both.
With those with whom I have melded once, I feel their life force. When the horta dies, when Mr. Scott dies, I will feel that severance. It is but one of many reasons why Vulcans use their abilities sparingly.
(telepathic abilities are widely envied but seldom do their grim realities come to light. kirk has experienced a collection of positive interactions from spock, plucked from a sea of negative ones. he's seen the warning signs firsthand, having been exposed to the darker sides of those with high esper ratings, alien beings capable of controlling others with a thought, the power of suggestion, mind-altering substances. because of them, he has practiced rudimentary shielding with spock to attempt to build his own walls against repeated intrusions.
never has kirk considered the true nature of a mind-meld. yes, of course, he's given it countless nights of thought, but he couldn't have imagined that it would affect his first officer so. every instance of every deeper touch performed in starfleet's service or for their own curiosity forms a red string the likes of which they've encountered here in noctium. and he overlooked every single one because spock showed no symptoms of anything deeper in the moments, hours, and days following each connection.
he's unafraid and trusts what spock says, and he believes he'd never spy on his most desperate, vulnerable thoughts; however, he's risen and begun to pace, suddenly very aware of what it all means for them both.)
[ Prior to now he's stood out of the way of other museum-goers, allowing them space to proceed through the beautiful exhibits uninhibited. Now, and only now, does he actually seek the exit. His pace is unhurried and thus his response is delayed, but it's still only a matters of minutes before he's seated himself on a bench within the complex but just outside the main building.
Undisturbed. ]
When it became necessary to do so. I understand your concerns, and wish therefore to emphasize the strength of my own mental control. We learn to shield the minds of others from our own before we learn to join with them.
I am quite capable of safeguarding your privacy with only the most modest of efforts.
If I'd known the Vulcan mind meld forms a permanent connection between participants' minds, I might not have made the decisions that lead you to use it. My concern isn't for myself, although I am frustrated with my own lack of foresight and our apparent issues with communication.
What happens if any one of us dies and the bridge collapses? What would that do to you?
[ He did not need a reminder of Jim's kindness. He never does, but they're always provided. ]
In most cases very little. You witnessed my reaction when Nomad was destroyed.
The greater the bond, the more significant the effect. You have no need for regret where your orders are concerned if that is your primary worry, Captain.
What's done is done, but I know now how to treat it in the future. You're not to use it unless absolutely necessary, which means life or death situations for yourself or for the crew.
(spock may say that very little occurs, but he doesn't believe that that's necessarily the whole truth. it could impact him mentally—emotionally, despite the offensive nature of the suggestion—though to what degree remains uncertain.
a solution won't present itself after one distanced conversation; there's a lot to consider.)
Is the sensation similar to what you experienced when the Intrepid was destroyed but on a smaller scale?
[ This particular topic is... more sobering even than the last, for to remember the moment is deeply unpleasant for him. Nevertheless it must be communicated; his captain is asking and it is more than simply his duty to answer him now. ]
It is stronger and more immediate. I reacted to the loss of the Intrepid so noticeably due to the number of lives lost and the suddenness and violence of the act.
The death of one with which I have melded, however, is something I will feel across any distance. Loss is loss – this is what I experience and what it is. There are few better ways to describe it.
Captain, I must ask that you reconsider to allow for a broader set of circumstances.
I'm sorry. I understand that it's hard to discuss.
(they're both in a difficult position. spock, a vulcan, cannot be restricted from telepathy; it'd be like he cut off one of his limbs. of course, that's not what he's asking.
as a captain, he has to ensure that he won't see a decline in his second-in-command's efficiency due to the unforeseen loss of a life he's linked to. as a friend—as more, undefined as of yet but clearer to him than any prior entanglement has been—he's protective over his well-being. thankfully, both allow him to be selfish and ask spock to limit the use. they'll simply have to debate the terms and come to an agreement that works for them both.)
But I have to know.
There must be some reason why its usage is so rare for Vulcans. I have to factor that, as well as what you believe is agreeable, into my decision. What sort of circumstances do you mean?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Definitely. ]
In this case, however, I have no desire to lead you to disappointment. I experienced concern for your safety and wished to have it invalidated.
no subject
(more than he can explain in words, but perhaps he'll attempt to share the feeling through synchrony when they reconvene for the evening.)
A wave took me for a ride and I wound up stabilizing myself on a very pointy rock. I've got a mild abrasion on my palm, but I'm perfectly alright. (Don't tell the other Sapphires, I'd be laughed out of Marilla.)
How did you know?
no subject
He should've known. ]
I will safeguard your secret.
In return I'll tell you that I knew because I knew. I sensed your awareness of your own danger and acted in response to it.
I was unaware that you would be traveling to any areas with such strong currents.
no subject
I'm sorry about that.
(it's sincere. so sincere that he doesn't ask his matter-of-fact first officer to elaborate on his vague statement about having an awareness of his captain's awareness. yet.)
no subject
... any ability to critique him further has been utterly and effectively stripped away after such a sincere response. He's bested him again. ]
It is understandable that you would be less cautious than you might normally in light of your increased need for respite. While I believe your balance with your work has been improved as of late, a break from such tasks is still required on occasion.
I recommend also a trip to the local art museum if you are in need of safer leisurely activities.
no subject
Would you care to accompany me? I might take a spill in the Hall of Sculptures.
(now you can critique him)
no subject
But only if it were logical to view such works with so short a period of time between visits. I am currently touring the museum myself at this very moment.
[ M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
It's a suitably punishing rebuttal now that Kirk has regained his attitude, however, and it soothes any wounds he must now bear with the realization that no, it isn't logical for him to immediately return here just to enjoy the paintings with his captain at his side. Certainly his commentary would be edifying, however... ]
I merely paused in my activities to check in on you.
no subject
he finds that he can't be upset with their choices, however, because it's what they'd each like to do, even apart. with his knees bent, he leans forward to smother an unruly expression against a damp forearm, glancing up at the water.)
Art interpretations can change drastically overnight. I came alone to the beach today and it'd be no less beautiful if I were in your company, but the context would be different. You'd influence my opinion, and I'd maybe find it more peaceful or more fulfilling than I find it now.
We have to look at these sorts of issues from all angles.
(it's only logical.)
You sensed my state of mind. How? Synchrony?
no subject
And then he asks a question that distracts wholly from the moment. ]
I will consider a second trip, in light of your words. Your argument is compelling.
As for your state of mind, Synchrony was not required. I am attuned to such things as a result of my Vulcan telepathy.
[ As usual, a half-answer. ]
no subject
I see.
(the vulcan is private and he'll get the respect he's due where his personal affairs are concerned, but this involves him. kirk won't be swayed to believe otherwise when it's obvious—by spock's obstinate dodging of the matter—that he's onto something.)
I'm already familiar with the innate talents of Vulcans, but I know there's more to it than that. I'd like to understand what happened. Were you focusing on me at the time?
no subject
All his stalling does is offer him more time to choose his wording, well aware that he's surmounted the truest hurdles already and this one is far lesser. Still... it comes with a few extra years attached. ]
I was, but it would not have been necessary for me to do so.
I have been able to sense spikes in your condition for some time. This is due not only to the quality of our relationship, but stands as a result of our repeated mind melding. I have warned you that there are side effects in the past if you recall, Jim.
1/2
2/2
he should consider it a privilege spock's discussing this at all.
right now, though, he's coping with his shock with an abrupt straightening of his legs, heels digging narrow troughs in the sand.)
Side effects are usually discussed between the individuals involved, especially when they concern the potential broadcasting of private thoughts and emotions by the uninformed party, wouldn't you say?
How long?
no subject
But how to explain... ]
The connection becomes more powerful with repeated melding. In spite of the number of these bridges which you have seen me form, I must assure you that to perform one for most Vulcans is very rare. I forever have a tie to those with which I have connected even once, and with you it is much greater.
Therefore when you ask "how long", I require greater specificity.
no subject
van gelder, the mother horta, bones and scotty, for god's sake. what does it mean for them? what does it mean for spock? what will it mean, if nothing now?)
You said that you sensed my awareness of my own danger. How long have you been able to do that? Does it extend to specific thoughts and impressions, or strong emotions?
And what of the others?
no subject
My first experience of the kind you describe, with you, took place two years, four months, and eleven days ago. Because of the innate practicality of being aware of your condition and its ability to aid both of us on the Enterprise, I have not blocked these sensations. Your personal thoughts and feelings, however, I have shielded myself against out of respect for us both.
With those with whom I have melded once, I feel their life force. When the horta dies, when Mr. Scott dies, I will feel that severance. It is but one of many reasons why Vulcans use their abilities sparingly.
no subject
never has kirk considered the true nature of a mind-meld. yes, of course, he's given it countless nights of thought, but he couldn't have imagined that it would affect his first officer so. every instance of every deeper touch performed in starfleet's service or for their own curiosity forms a red string the likes of which they've encountered here in noctium. and he overlooked every single one because spock showed no symptoms of anything deeper in the moments, hours, and days following each connection.
he's unafraid and trusts what spock says, and he believes he'd never spy on his most desperate, vulnerable thoughts; however, he's risen and begun to pace, suddenly very aware of what it all means for them both.)
When were you going to tell me any of this?
no subject
Undisturbed. ]
When it became necessary to do so. I understand your concerns, and wish therefore to emphasize the strength of my own mental control. We learn to shield the minds of others from our own before we learn to join with them.
I am quite capable of safeguarding your privacy with only the most modest of efforts.
no subject
If I'd known the Vulcan mind meld forms a permanent connection between participants' minds, I might not have made the decisions that lead you to use it. My concern isn't for myself, although I am frustrated with my own lack of foresight and our apparent issues with communication.
What happens if any one of us dies and the bridge collapses? What would that do to you?
no subject
In most cases very little. You witnessed my reaction when Nomad was destroyed.
The greater the bond, the more significant the effect. You have no need for regret where your orders are concerned if that is your primary worry, Captain.
no subject
(spock may say that very little occurs, but he doesn't believe that that's necessarily the whole truth. it could impact him mentally—emotionally, despite the offensive nature of the suggestion—though to what degree remains uncertain.
a solution won't present itself after one distanced conversation; there's a lot to consider.)
Is the sensation similar to what you experienced when the Intrepid was destroyed but on a smaller scale?
no subject
[ This particular topic is... more sobering even than the last, for to remember the moment is deeply unpleasant for him. Nevertheless it must be communicated; his captain is asking and it is more than simply his duty to answer him now. ]
It is stronger and more immediate. I reacted to the loss of the Intrepid so noticeably due to the number of lives lost and the suddenness and violence of the act.
The death of one with which I have melded, however, is something I will feel across any distance. Loss is loss – this is what I experience and what it is. There are few better ways to describe it.
Captain, I must ask that you reconsider to allow for a broader set of circumstances.
no subject
(they're both in a difficult position. spock, a vulcan, cannot be restricted from telepathy; it'd be like he cut off one of his limbs. of course, that's not what he's asking.
as a captain, he has to ensure that he won't see a decline in his second-in-command's efficiency due to the unforeseen loss of a life he's linked to. as a friend—as more, undefined as of yet but clearer to him than any prior entanglement has been—he's protective over his well-being. thankfully, both allow him to be selfish and ask spock to limit the use. they'll simply have to debate the terms and come to an agreement that works for them both.)
But I have to know.
There must be some reason why its usage is so rare for Vulcans. I have to factor that, as well as what you believe is agreeable, into my decision. What sort of circumstances do you mean?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/3
2/3
3/3
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
1/3
2/3
3/3
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)